‘I’m really trying, just give me a little more time.’
‘I need more help.’
‘This is my body and you don’t get to have an opinion on it.’
‘You are one of the best things that ever happened to me……’
‘I’m so unbelievably proud of you.’
‘I’m not sorry and I stand by what I say.’
‘That really hurt me, and you don’t get to tell me it didn’t.’
‘No.’
What is something that you wish you’d said?
Sometimes when your life and mind are taken over by mental illness, you end up living in a bubble, of starving bodies, numbed minds and empty hearts. We trick ourselves into thinking that any other life isn’t worth living. But I have something to tell you. Once you pop that bubble and start to let the light in, there is a whole new world of feeling, and for the most part, its magnificent.
When you are with the people who love you most and you can feel that bubbling of contentment in your heart. When you are walking down the street and you can feel the sun on the back of your neck. When snow begins to fall and you feel like a child, so excited about the magic of snow and the perfection of each snowflake landing on you. The mix of wonder and fear that you feel during thunderstorms, when lightning strikes so close. The feeling when you take your shoes and socks off and run barefoot on the grass.
A sudden feeling of deja vu when you are playing in the garden with your friends and it feels like you are 5 years old again. When you drink a cup of tea and it is the perfect temperature, and you can feel it warming your insides. When you’ve had a cold and then realised, that you can breathe out of two nostrils again. When someone compliments you, and you feel proud of what you have overcome, not angry at the fragile body you have lost.
You feel that, that is the art of living.
Stay Safe
A xx
Many people struggle with their mental health, and sometimes it can be hard to talk about, people feel vulnerable and judged because of the stigma. So, I’ve put together a list of tips and tricks that I have found helpful when dealing with my own mental illnesses as well as those around me. Please comment any questions you have underneath and I’ll do my very best to help.
Instead try saying “I might not understand what you are going through, but I will try to, and I won’t judge anything to tell me” Possibly adding the fact that you aren’t going to abandon them as a friend because of this.
The three points above can be quite difficult so here is something to get you started if you need it: “I understand what I’m about to say might be uncomfortable for you but just hear me out. I have noticed recently that you seem to be struggling and I’d like to help if I can because you mean a lot to me and I don’t what you to be alone in this, we don’t have to talk about it now but if you ever want to talk about it then anytime.
Other ideas of how you could improve their day just a little include:
Most importantly, remember to look after yourself. Take time to care for yourself and if at any point it feels like too much or you believe your friend is in danger – tell someone else. You don’t have to carry this alone.
Lots of Love
Abbie x
As possibly the princess of procrastination, i could really have used something like this, especially when going through depressive episodes when things still have to be done.
Do the washing:
I hope this was somewhat helpful, let me know in the comments if you have found anything else that helps you to get things done.
Stay Safe Lovelies
Abbie xx
This post is to go along with a youtube video – linked at the bottom of this post.
What do you say to the thoughts that you are ‘abnormal’ and that you are always going to suffer with mental health, which is a ‘negative’ thing?
How do you think a person who has never experienced mental illness could show a friend sensitively that they care and how do you suggest a friend can help without seeming controlling?
(I am actually half way through writing a full blog post on this however I’ll cover whet we said in the video) FULL BLOG POST HERE
Instead try saying “I might not understand what you are going through, but I will try to, and I won’t judge anything to tell me”
The three points above can be quite difficult so here is something to get you started if you need it: “I understand what I’m about to say might be uncomfortable for you but just hear me out. I have noticed recently that you seem to be struggling and I’d like to help if I can because you mean a lot to me and I don’t what you to be alone in this, we don’t have to talk about it now but if you ever want to talk about it then anytime.
What is your biggest motivation to get up/wake up in the morning?
Have you watched our video yet?
Lots of love,
A&R xx
Today I finished regular treatment for my eating disorder. It feels like it has been a long time coming – I have been in treatment for my mental health since 2015 and began struggling a good while before that, so this is a new concept for me.
So, how do I feel about finishing therapy? Not going to lie I’m pretty scared, mainly because therapy has been a part of my life for so long now and that’s kind of been an outlet that I’ve had which I will be losing. The thought of it ending does scare me because my brain is pretty unpredictable, I never really know how my brain is going to react to things – I think I do and then randomly it will just turn out a different and I’ll have a meltdown… or I won’t have a meltdown when I expect to – but it’s going to be interesting and new and scary but it’s okay to be scared.
It also feels like when you finish therapy people think that you are magically better, but I’m not better, I getting there but I’m not fixed yet, that’s not really the right way to put it, I’m not recovered, I’m trying and I’m a lot more recovered than I was six – even two months ago but I’m not better and I think that might be quite difficult because people maybe tend to think that once you finish treatment, you are better and recovered. Life in recovery from mental illness is a process, and I don’t think it will ever really go away completely, but I can live with it now and function almost like a ‘normal’ human being!
I’m a bit worried that my brain is going to go straight to relapse mode, which obviously isn’t a good thing, but I guess it’s good that I’m scared of that happening, because if I wasn’t it, would be more likely to happen, if I wanted it.
I am really thankful to H and to B for helping me because I think had they not been there I think I would still be really struggling to get through each meal, each day. It’s hard to know whether or not I would have done it myself – on my own or if they’ve helped. I’m pretty sure they helped and I’m really thankful for them and I think my mum is too. It means I can go to uni this year and I’ll be able to hopefully do well and live the student life (kind of).
I’m frightened I might relapse at uni, but if it comes to that then it comes to that, and I have to make sure I get help again. I can’t let it fester and get worse and worse and worse.
Onwards and upwards.
Love Abbie xx
I want to feel like I don’t have to be scared anymore.
I don’t want to be who I am at the moment, I want to be who I’m scared to become because being scared means you are going to do something really brave. And I want to be brave and I want to fight. Now sometimes in moments of clarity maybe when I’m walking, or just sitting, I can just be, without panicking about who I’m going to become and where I’ll be in however many years. I think about how now, sometimes I can differentiate between the voices. Between me and the disorder; and if I can differentiate, I can fight and right now I feel like I want to fight, and I am excited to have a life that is not consumed by pain and fear and loss and anger.
I want to be happy and safe and to love and go on into forever. That’s what I want to feel, that’s what I want to be. Not the girl who could have been so many things, but all she cared about was getting smaller. I guess maybe that’s hard for me to remember sometimes because I still feel the disorder pulling me back into its grip. I feel like it’s not hard enough to fight it so I’m not even ill, but it is hard, and it comes back time and time again. And I want it to go away forever but I know that probably won’t ever happen, but I can wish I guess.
And maybe eventually it will happen, I hope it happens. And I hope that Rosie and Brontë and Lucie and Irini and Lily and Grace and Lauren and Liv and Jodie and everyone feels better soon, and I hope the pain eases and I hope that they feel alive again and that they feel like they are worth being alive again. And I feel proud of what they have achieved and what they are achieving every day, because it is fucking hard work and I don’t think people understand that unless they’ve been there.
More than a quarter of my life has been shrouded in darkness and I think that now maybe finally the darkness is lifting. I feel elated sometimes, that’s new and I love it, I love it so much. I am relieved because finally I’ve realised that maybe I will make it. And maybe I will get to watch my best friends get married and see the look on my parents faces when they find out they are going to be grandparents. It’s things like that that make life worth living; feeling like you’re not going to get that far kind of ruins it. But now I think I’ll get that far.
Love Abbie x
When people talk about self-care, those Pinterest images fill my head – along with a good old dose of inadequacy. Self-care has turned into bath bombs and shopping sprees, facials and lovely walks in the crisp morning air. But for those of us who are struggling to survive each day, this luxurious ‘self-care’ is just unachievable. Yet one more this we cannot do. We need to re-evaluate what is considered as ‘self-care’ – and redefine it – doing the things we need to keep functioning.
So, this is for those of us who haven’t showered in a couple of weeks and don’t remember the last time we brushed our teeth. To people who haven’t experienced the joys of depression, this might sound pretty gross. But it’s the reality of mental illness.
Here are some ideas for things that might make you feel a little better – some for the days when life seems a little more manageable and some for the days when it just isn’t.
Brush your teeth or use mouth wash, not for anyone else’s sake but just to make you feel clean and achieve – if this isn’t manageable keep a packet of gum next to your bed and chew some gum.
Have a glass of water – being dehydrated can make you feel tired and grouchy. I find that if I can make a cup of tea, that always helps me get going, especially if it’s really hot.
Get in the shower, you don’t even have to wash your hair, just sit in the warm water. Otherwise wash your face, use a wipe, whatever feels achievable. Change your clothes into new clean pyjamas and fresh underwear and socks.
Take your meds – if you have medication to take, take it. If possible after some sort of food, but whatever works for you.
Go outside, breathe in fresh air and close your eyes, whether it be in the garden or on a dog walk or in the town centre. Being out of your own bubble for a little while can be helpful – when it’s too hard to face the world open a window, let the world come to you. It can be quite a relief to get some airflow thought your room, especially if you’ve been shut in for a while as it can start to feel musty.
Put on the TV or some music – this could be a distraction or just break the silence that sometimes comes along with felling numb.
Breathe and stretch – I know sometimes it can be hard to even move because your limbs feel too heavy and the energy cannot be mustered but try and take 3 breaths, the deepest you possibly can and on the 3rd breath, stretch as much as you possibly can – arms in the air, arch your back and if you feel like it let out a yawn. This will get the blood moving round your body and may even make you feel less weighted down.
Eat something to get your blood sugar up – perhaps something with not much preparation for example a banana or cereal bar.
Anything that needs doing – if there is anything urgent that needs doing write it down – for example feed a pet, send an email to work, or a doctor’s appointment that needs making. Tell yourself you will spend 5 minutes trying to do it, if by that point you haven’t then it’s okay, it can wait. You can rest. Often starting is the hardest part.
I hope this helps somebody, if you have any other ideas please comment them below.
Stay Safe,
Abbie xx
late night talks – journals – sleepy eyes – stationary hauls – lightning – oversized jumpers – uncontrollable laughter – heavy storms – the first snowflakes – new ideas – cosy cardigans – happy tears – steaming tea – rusty orange makeup – honesty – snazzy socks – old souls – purple docs – silly winks across a room – glitter – messy hair – yawns – plants in sunshine – blankets – coffee shops – long hugs – the bees are safe – lacy bralettes – new episodes – disposable photos – lavender – milk swirling into tea – seeing your best friend after too long
So, I know I’m a little late to the party on this, but I wanted to let the waters settle before I voiced my opinion.
Let me tell you, as someone who has spent many hours staring at packets and scouring supermarket shelves, there are very few snacks that are only 100 calories. This causes so much anxiety, with children thinking that if they eat anything over this they are breaking the rules and will be unhealthy. But restricting to under 100 calories means choosing snacks that are specifically low in calories, snacks for dieting, dieting for adults. That is unhealthy.
All these low-calorie snacks are covered in ‘skinny’, ‘diet’, ‘guilt-free’. Guilt implies that you have done something wrong, what sort of message does that send to these children who are just learning to read? Children are growing, and their bodies and brains need fuel to learn and develop. There is an obesity crisis in the UK but there is also a mental health crisis. 100 cals, twice a day, can soon turn into once a day, and then not at all.
I work with children every day, a 5-year-old little girl said to me the other day, “I have a fat tummy and wobbly legs, I need to lose weight” – this coming from a child who lives in a house with parents who have a very healthy attitude towards food and exercise. It breaks my heart that this is being reinforced on her by school and the TV. She is beautiful and kind and polite and precious and that’s all she needs to know.
Sure, maybe it will help prevent obesity but at what cost. Is it worth it, ruining the childhoods of those children who are vulnerable to eating disorders. It’s not the child’s responsibility, especially those in primary school, parents need to be educated or teach children in a safe way, maybe instead of focussing on calorie counting and forbidden foods, we should teach children about foods that will make them strong and healthy, and exercise that is fun not forced.
I’d be really interested to hear your views on this, please comment below.
Stay Safe,
A x
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