‘I’m really trying, just give me a little more time.’ ‘I need more help.’ ‘This is my body and you don’t get to have an opinion on it.’ ‘You are one of the best things… More
Stationery
If you’ve met me, or even just spoken to me for more than 5 minutes, you’ll know that I am a stationery addict – buying new stationary is literally my favourite thing. I know I don’t need a new notebook, or pack of pastel pens, I only bought a pack last week, but you never know when they could come in handy.
So, I thought I write a blog post on some of my favs – just in case anyone cared about stationery as much as I do!
Mildliners – highlighters that don’t blind you or give you a headache – I find it much easier to revise with these – also they are super pretty. They have one end which is a highlighter, and one which is like a felt tip pen. (here)
Oxford Campus Paper – this is the smoothest paper and doesnt bleed through, it is slightly more expensive than your average refill pad however I think it is definately worth it if you like to used anything other than just plain biro. I think they are on offer at the moment in most supermarkets as well as its back to school season! (here)
Ink Pens – the ones I like the most are from aliexpress (here) but they take ages to come, I also like the uni-ball ones (here) but they are more expensive!
Weekly pad – I find this really helpful when planning revision and just handling life when it gets super busy – taking it one week at a time. I personally use one from TK MAXX but its all personal choice so up to you!
To-do list – again they do some lovely ones in the stationary section of TK Maxx. Although I also like to do them in my bullet journal!
Bookstand – this is from amazon (here) and it is wonderful for when it comes to revision and studying, no more trying to hold a textbook open with your elbow whilst reading and writing with the other hand.
Bullet Journal – I use the leuchtturm1917 (here). It’s dotted and the paper is super smooth.
Revision Cards Folder – this is just an A5 ring binder, I hole punched my revision cards and kept them all in one place, so I could easily whip them out on the train etc. It also meant they were kept flat and in the right order. I use this one (here).
Pencil Case – my favourites are from Muji (here) or the floral ones that come in a pack of four from eBay (here).
I hope this was interesting or maybe even somewhat helpful to those of you who are back off to school or university. Let me know in the comments if there is any stationery that you can’t live without!
Abbie xx
Things To Smile About
Someone just kissed their newborn baby on the head for the first time.
Someone found out they were going to be a grandparent.
Someone got into their dream university.
Someone forgave themselves.
Someone just found out that their cancer is gone.
Someone found their forever family.
————————————————————————————–
Today was the best day of someone’s life.
Tomorrow could be the best day of yours, stay for that.
A x
How To Get Things Done
As possibly the princess of procrastination, i could really have used something like this, especially when going through depressive episodes when things still have to be done.
- Write a list in the morning or even the night before – however be careful not to make it too long because I know many of us struggle with perfectionism – it needs to be achievable. Break each thing on the list down into small tasks – this means that you will get the satisfaction of ticking things off your list more often. For example:
Do the washing:
- – separate clothes into lights and darks
- – put clothes in washing machine and turn on
- – take clothes out and hang to dry/tumble dryer
- – fold clothes
- – put clothes away
- Snowball method or vice versa. What I mean by this is start off with the smallest/easiest things first and then your list will shrink more quickly, meaning only a few larger tasks are left. This can be good for some people who tend to let little things hang over them such as a sending a quick reply to an email or putting the washing on. Or you can start with the largest most difficult task whilst you have the energy/motivation and work down to the easier tasks at the end of the day.
- Wake up slightly earlier – nothing too dramatic, just perhaps 30 minutes or an hour. Not having to rush in the morning is lovely. Plus if you are feeling super sleepy still, then just use that extra time to continue sleeping/relaxing.
- When motivation is really lacking but something needs to be done, I find it helps to just commit myself to 5 mins only. Put on a timer or 5 minutes and if you are still not feeling it when that timer is up, then stop. Often, I find that starting is the hardest part and after that first five minutes, things might not seem quite so overwhelming.
- Put your phone away – I can already hear that little huff that we all seem to make whenever we are told to put our phones down – it’s a sound that means – ‘yes I know I’d do more work without my phone, but also look how cute this puppy is and this is a funny meme’. Out of sight, out of mind? There are lots of apps that can help you stay off social media too.
- Have a glass of water, snacks and maybe even a cup of tea or coffee. I’ve always found sitting down to do something becomes much more bearable with a cup of tea in my hand.
- If you are overwhelmed – STOP. When you feel like your mind is running at 100 miles per hour, there’s no point on trying to concentrate because you will just start to feel more panicky. Take a break, take a breath, and begin again when you are ready.
- Try to stop thinking about things that you have no control over. How many hours a day do we spent ruminating on things that have either already happened or we have no control over anyway. I find this difficult myself, but I’ve found thinking things like; ‘can I change this?’ ‘will this matter in a year’s time?’ ‘is this my responsibility?’. If the answer is no, let it go. This takes practise, but it does work.
- Keep a note pad beside you and if random thoughts pop into your head that you think might be important to do later or ideas for projects jot them down and move on for now. One thing at a time.
I hope this was somewhat helpful, let me know in the comments if you have found anything else that helps you to get things done.
Stay Safe Lovelies
Abbie xx
Mental Health Chat – video
This post is to go along with a youtube video – linked at the bottom of this post.
What do you say to the thoughts that you are ‘abnormal’ and that you are always going to suffer with mental health, which is a ‘negative’ thing?
- It’s a process – you might feel like you will always be like this or things I’ll never feel better but that is not the case – sometimes you have to learn to live with it and deal with the emotions or lack thereof in healthier ways and often people can recover completely.
- Unfortunately, many people out there are not educated, and the stigma is still very much apparent. People have many misconceptions about those with mental illnesses– for example we are all dangerous or violent etc.
- It is not ‘normal’, but it becomes your normality and what matters is that you can find a way to accept that and deal with it in a healthy way – to try and strive for progress not perfection.
How do you think a person who has never experienced mental illness could show a friend sensitively that they care and how do you suggest a friend can help without seeming controlling?
(I am actually half way through writing a full blog post on this however I’ll cover whet we said in the video) FULL BLOG POST HERE
- Don’t say you completely understand what they are feeling/going through, because even if you did have the same diagnoses – everyone’s experience is different, and It can feel quite invalidating to have someone act as if they know exactly how you feel, especially when it is. Very difficult to cope with.
Instead try saying “I might not understand what you are going through, but I will try to, and I won’t judge anything to tell me”
- Open the conversation yourself – you can feel like it’s going to be awkward but I’m sure your friend will really appreciate that you have noticed and that you care about them – even if they might not show it at the time.
- Try to ensure that you are not under time pressure but in case they do want to talk about it and begin to really open up. Give them time.
- Allow them to leave if they want to.
The three points above can be quite difficult so here is something to get you started if you need it: “I understand what I’m about to say might be uncomfortable for you but just hear me out. I have noticed recently that you seem to be struggling and I’d like to help if I can because you mean a lot to me and I don’t what you to be alone in this, we don’t have to talk about it now but if you ever want to talk about it then anytime.
- Don’t force them into anything – people aren’t going to get better if they really don’t want to. However, you could suggest professional help if they aren’t receiving this.
- Don’t make them feel guilty – the likelihood is that yiur friend already feels guilty for one thing or another, that is the nature if mental illness, saying things like “you’re always bringing the mood down” or “it’s so awkward when you don’t eat” IS NOT HELPFUL – if anything this will make them retreat into themselves and be less accepting of help.
- Don’t treat them any differently – they are still the same person they were before you found out they had a mental illness.
What is your biggest motivation to get up/wake up in the morning?
- Plan the next day before so you have an aim – for example a to-do list or things to look forward to.
- Coffee or tea – even if you decide to get straight back into bed after.
- To have a happy future!
Have you watched our video yet?
Lots of love,
A&R xx
100 calorie snacks, 2 a day max.
So, I know I’m a little late to the party on this, but I wanted to let the waters settle before I voiced my opinion.
Let me tell you, as someone who has spent many hours staring at packets and scouring supermarket shelves, there are very few snacks that are only 100 calories. This causes so much anxiety, with children thinking that if they eat anything over this they are breaking the rules and will be unhealthy. But restricting to under 100 calories means choosing snacks that are specifically low in calories, snacks for dieting, dieting for adults. That is unhealthy.
All these low-calorie snacks are covered in ‘skinny’, ‘diet’, ‘guilt-free’. Guilt implies that you have done something wrong, what sort of message does that send to these children who are just learning to read? Children are growing, and their bodies and brains need fuel to learn and develop. There is an obesity crisis in the UK but there is also a mental health crisis. 100 cals, twice a day, can soon turn into once a day, and then not at all.
I work with children every day, a 5-year-old little girl said to me the other day, “I have a fat tummy and wobbly legs, I need to lose weight” – this coming from a child who lives in a house with parents who have a very healthy attitude towards food and exercise. It breaks my heart that this is being reinforced on her by school and the TV. She is beautiful and kind and polite and precious and that’s all she needs to know.
Sure, maybe it will help prevent obesity but at what cost. Is it worth it, ruining the childhoods of those children who are vulnerable to eating disorders. It’s not the child’s responsibility, especially those in primary school, parents need to be educated or teach children in a safe way, maybe instead of focussing on calorie counting and forbidden foods, we should teach children about foods that will make them strong and healthy, and exercise that is fun not forced.
I’d be really interested to hear your views on this, please comment below.
Stay Safe,
A x
Since I Met Rosie
There are lots of ways to measure a year, in daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, in cups of coffee (sorry I seem to have started singing seasons of love from rent). Perhaps the best way is since I met Rosie. It’s now been a year, and although in many ways we are still the same, so much has changed.
Sometimes we sit and think about where we were when we first met, sitting in a café in Cambridge, Rosie’s dad scoping me out (safety first kids), and Rosie, you told me it was the first time you’d used a mug from a café in a long time. It was the first time I’d eaten something for lunch in a long time. What seem like tiny achievements to some, but to us these were momentous, perhaps a foreshadowing to the rest of the year.
I can now fall asleep without touching everything wooden in my room, and I can clean my teeth in five minutes instead of an hour. I have a conversation without having to tap my head and count to 3, 7 times, 21, 147, 280 times. Now once is enough, sometimes not even that. Now, for the most part, I can eat lunch without wanting to die. I can drive and sing duets in the car. Sometimes I even feel proper feelings.
In many ways I feel like Rosie has saved my life, she gets me, and I get her, and we don’t have to explain the unexplainable. Things are still so hard for both of us, new terrifying challenges every day and sometimes it still feels like there is no point, because when will the pain stop. But I remember how we’ve planned our futures, going to each other’s weddings and raising our children as best friends and meeting up in a café in 20 years time and talking about that first day, and how much our lives have changed and how we are finally content and really living, not just existing.
Thank you Rosie for making the last year bearable and always being there.
Stay Safe
Love Abbie x
Rosie’s Blog is delicatellybroken
96 hours in Amsterdam
At the end of January I went to Amsterdam for 4 days with my beautiful friend Alice, we explored the museums, cafes and canals. Amsterdam was incredibly pretty although a little sunshine wouldn’t of hurt! There was so much to see and do, so here’s what we did and a few things we didn’t quite get round to.
THINGS TO DO
- Van Gogh Museum – my absolute favourite artist of all time, Vincent Van Gogh’s life is played out through his paintings and letters in a heartbreaking way and really lets you see the meaning and inspiration behind his work.
- Stedlijk Museum – this is the modern art museum – it was really cool, I loved the rooms full of graffiti and propoganda.
- Rijksmuseum – I felt like I had my very own tour guide because Alice seems to know everything there is to know about random artists and paintings.
- Canal Cruise – we took the cruise whilst the sun was setting, experiencing the daytime views and the beutiful reflective lights appearing on the water. I would say this is one of the best ways to explore Amsterdam, in just enough detail to learn the rich history of Amsterdam and its culture.
- Bodyworlds – this is a exhibition in the centre (Dam). It is incredible and takes you on a journey of discovery through the human body, in search of what makes us happy and the impact of happiness on our health. Using real donated human bodies, life is explored in a completely new and fascinating way. I would not miss this, despite how morbid it sounds.
- Red light district – an interesting place to say the least, full of sex shops and half naked women and condoms that look like rabbits or cartoon characters.
CAFÉS
.
House of Natur. – this was probably the ‘healthiest’ cafe I have ever been in, gluten, dairy and literally everything free porridge (which was delicious) and smoothie bowls to die for. My only complaint was that they only sold herbal teas, I need a solid english builders tea of a morning.
Pancakes – Alice had a wonderful looking apple pie and ice cream pancake and I sat there quite jealous with my spinich and mushroom pancake.
Cat Café – cake and cats, what could be better! Pay a small entrance fee to help look after the cats and then sit in the calmest environment with super yummy red velvet cake.
OUTFITS – I wore all of these with a faux suede coat and either my purple DM boots or my brown DM shoes (the comfort is unreal).
day one – red top and black jeans
day two – floral bodysuit with black skirt and docs
day three – striped dress over grey top
day four – black crop top and check trousers
Let me know if you’ve been to Amsterdam, and if there is anything you love that I haven’t mentioned!
A x
The People I Was
I often think that I’ve lost who I used to be through this illness – I no longer feel joy when told that we are going on a family holiday or when my friends all want to go out for dinner or drinks. I’ve never been one for parties but I could understand that it was my choice and I would be glad they were having a good time – thinking one day maybe I’d have the courage to join them. It’s not my choice anymore. It is the voices in my head telling me I don’t belong here, no one wants me here anyway. The calories and the fear fills my whole body and leaves no room for anything else. No room for happiness or appreciation.
And yes, maybe the years I have lived consumed by thoughts of germs and calories and self-loathing have been lost to me, no more than memories of another person. But all the people I was before that still remain buried inside. The fourteen year old who anxiously started work experience only to be greeted by a litter of 8 puppies to care for. The thirteen year old who loved how strong her legs were so she could ski all day and not even get tired. The eleven year old who nervously walked into the first day of ‘big school’ – so excited by the prospect of getting to write in pen – any pen she wanted. The nine year old who was filled with joy when she held her new baby cousin for the first time. The seven year old who cried when her best friend moved house but allowed herself to be welcomed into a new group of wonderful people – the people who she would spend almost every day of the next twelve years with. The four year old who joined reception a little bit later than everyone else, but all was well because there was a donkey living in her back garden. The three year old who loved her new born brother a tad too much and had to be told not to squeeze him so hard. The one year old who just wanted cuddles from her mummy and daddy and nana and grandad and aunties and uncles.
I think all these parts of me still come to the surface sometimes – perhaps mostly the little girl who only needs a hug to feel better.
Stay Safe,
A xx
Broken Isn’t Beautiful
Broken – (of a person) having given up all hope; despairing, defeated, beaten, vanquished, overpowered, overwhelmed, subdued; demoralized, dispirited, discouraged, dejected, crushed, ruined.
Yes, we are all a bit damaged and it makes us individual and carves us into who we are. But that doesn’t mean we need to carve into our own skin to feel worthy or beautiful. I am as guilty of this as anyone – glamourising the idea of being fragile and broken. But in reality, your shoulder blades won’t turn into wings and set you free. They will bruise and hurt. The gap between your thighs won’t let more sunshine in – it will make you weak and tired and angry; because it will never be enough.
It isn’t tragically beautiful when the girl with bright blue eyes has arms stained with red, it is just tragic. It isn’t hauntingly alluring when the boy with the wonderful smile wakes at night screaming, it is just haunting.
We put the dying on a pedestal, like maybe if we could get that far, we’d feel better. But there is nothing poetic about wanting to die. Maybe it makes it a little easier to deal with, when beautiful words describe broken things.
Beautiful – pleasing the senses or mind, attractive, pretty, good-looking, pleasing, alluring, lovely, charming, delightful, appealing, engaging, glamorous, irresistible, graceful, elegant, aesthetic, magnificent.
(side note: I am not trying to offend anyone with this and I am not trying to that you can’t be broken and beautiful – but that you do not have to be broken to be beautiful.)
Abbie
xx
Moments to Live For
If you hadn’t already guessed, autumn is my favourite season, especially during November when Christmas decorations slowly begin to appear and its dark by 4:30. I love when the nights draw in and going inside feels warm and safe. Mugs of tea that steam like my breath in the cold and warm me up from the inside.
I can wrap up in layers of knitted, soft cardigans, turtle neck tops and scarves and not look strange. Hidden in plain sight when going for a walk in the cold (but not freezing) autumn air.
Rainy days filled with new episodes of the many shows I like to watch, curled up on my beanbag with a hot water bottle. Old favourites for dinner, like roasted root vegetables and halloumi.
It fills me with a warmth that I rarely experience anymore, when I see children in cute coats, with their rosy cheeks and cold noses, laughing with sheer delight at the red leaves falling from the trees – who would have thought that leaves could be red and not green.
Dark evenings filled with blankets, warm porridge and spiced pumpkin candles. Somehow the darkness outside makes me feel calm, maybe it understands me somehow or maybe I’m just trying to be poetic. It’s comforting and that’s what matters.
These are the moments I live for.
Abbie xx
lifeincupsoftea.wordpress.com 